Council Isn’t a Battlefield—It’s a Family Table

Imagine sitting down at the dinner table with your family. One person dominates the conversation, interrupts others, refuses to listen, and throws a fit when things don’t go their way. Then insists it’s all “for the good of the family.” You’d likely roll your eyes or leave the table altogether.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what it feels like when someone joins municipal council and behaves like a tyrant. Just like in a family, that kind of behaviour doesn’t build trust or cooperation. It doesn’t lead to better decisions. It just creates tension, resentment, and dysfunction.

At home and in council the goal is the same: to make things work for everyone. That means navigating differences, showing respect, and learning to agree to disagree without tearing each other down. You wouldn’t run your household by shouting people down. You can’t run your municipality that way either.

I’ve Seen This Firsthand

I spent 15 years working with Municipalities Newfoundland and Labrador (MNL) and worked alongside hundreds of councils, both large and small, as well as rural and urban. I’ve had the privilege of supporting MNL’s Women’s Caucus, Small Towns Committee and many others, where conversations about inclusion, respect, and collaborative leadership were always front and centre.

I’ve sat in rooms with councillors who felt silenced, and others who didn’t realize they were doing the silencing. I’ve witnessed meetings fall apart because one voice refused to listen. But I’ve also seen what happens when council members treat one another like family with respect, patience, and a shared commitment to doing what’s best for the community. Those are the moments that stick with me.

Being Loud Doesn’t Make You Right

Some candidates run on a platform of “fixing things,” but what they really mean is “doing things my way.” Once elected, they bulldoze decisions, override staff, or publicly shame colleagues, mistaking control for leadership.

I’ve seen it happen. It doesn’t build momentum; it brings it to a halt. Culture turns toxic, communication breaks down, and trust evaporates. Staff burnout. Residents tune out. Councils get stuck.

It’s been my experience that bulldozers aren’t always trying to be difficult. Yes, some see their value in being antagonistic, but others seem to confuse being challenged with being wrong, and they try to regain their power with intimidation. Either way, tearing others down isn’t powerful; it’s weak. And any authority believed to have been gained is short-lived, and comes at a terrible cost: broken trust, fractured relationships, and lost credibility. Unfortunately, the ripple effect extends right through their community.

Real leadership is about being steady, respectful, and intentional. It’s about creating space where every voice can be heard, not silenced. Throughout my career in the municipal sector, I’ve had the privilege of working alongside leaders who embodied that spirit. They were citizens who put their community first and respected their colleagues. They were nurses, postmasters, and teachers who took a seat at the municipal table and left a lasting impression of civility, collaboration, and trust. Their example shaped the way I work and how I treat others to this day.

Families and Councils Thrive on Respect

Being on council means being part of a team. That doesn’t mean you’ll always agree. But it does mean you listen, accept the process, and speak up without bulldozing others. Just as in a healthy family, respectful disagreement leads to stronger decisions when handled with respect.

During my time supporting women in the municipal sector, one message came through loud and clear: respectful communication isn’t optional. It’s essential. When councils make space for different voices, communities grow stronger.

And if your idea doesn’t win the vote this time? That’s not betrayal, it’s democracy. Losing a vote isn’t a reason to escalate. It’s an opportunity to learn and a reminder that you’re not the only voice at the table.

Set the Tone. Your Community Deserves It

Municipal leaders set the tone for the entire community. If council chambers feel like a battleground, residents feel the fallout. But when discussions are grounded in respect, even when they’re tough, that tone ripples outward.

The most effective councils I’ve seen weren’t the loudest. They were the ones that knew how to listen, when to speak, and when to step back. They trusted their staff and led with humility, clarity, and a deep respect for the process and the people around the table.

At the end of the day, being on council isn’t about winning arguments, it’s about showing up with purpose. Just like around the family table, the best outcomes come from trust, shared responsibility, and respect.

If your council is preparing for a new term, or needs a reset, now’s the time to set that tone. At Strategic Steps, we help councils strengthen their governance, communication, and relationships through tailored workshops and real-world support. Because council isn’t a battlefield. It’s where communities come together.

What are your thoughts? Reach out to me directly at gail@strategicsteps.ca